Jumping right in as a step parent can often be a shock to the system, especially for step parents who have never have children of their own. While step parenting is different for each person, no doubt as a step parent you are going to find that there are ups and downs that occur along the way. Sometimes it's even probably going to feel like there are more downs than there are ups. Here's a look at a few of the ups and downs of step parenting that you may experience along the way.
Being Reminded You're Not the Parent
Often when you become a step parent, a lot is asked of you. It often feels that you are instantly being put into a job of a parent; however, there are those are constantly remind you that you are not their "real" parent, which can be frustrating. Many people are less than feeling when they speak to step parents and spout off the line, "well, it's different when the kids are really yours." This is the last thing that any step mother or father wants to hear. It is especially frustrating to those who have no biological kids of their own. As you go through life as a step parent, be prepared for onlookers or even your step children reminding you that you're not the parent. It's difficult to deal with, but keep going on showing love to your step children – it will get better.
Unrealistic Expectations from Yourself and Others
Another of the downs of step parenting lies around unrealistic expectations, both from yourself and others. When you become a step parent, you're often expected to just love the kids as your own. You may expect this of yourself and others may expect this from you too. While there are some step parents that go into the relationship with a deep love for their kids, often this is a relationship and love is a feeling that takes time to be built up. Don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself or allow others to do the same. Step parenting is difficult and it's different for everyone. Forget your expectations and go with the flow.
Discipline Problems and Difficulties with Respect
At times when you are a step parent, there are discipline problems and respect issues that you end up facing. This is especially prevalent when you become a step parent to teenagers. Often as a step parent it's difficult to discipline your step children. At times you may end up dealing with a lot of disrespect from your children as well. It can definitely be difficult to feel like you are left with all the responsibilities of step parenting, although you don't have the rights.
Loving Step Children as Your Own
Loving your step children as your own can bring about both ups and downs. In the beginning you may feel pressured to love your step children like they were your own. Remember, love is not something that you can force into existence. Often later on you may find that the love does come and you do love your step children just like your own kids. This can be one of the huge pleasures of being a step parent when you finally get to a place of mutual love and respect with your children. However, never try to force yourself or your step children to that place.
Manipulative Behavior from Step Children
Manipulative behavior from step children often occurs to step parents, and it's important that step parents are able to recognize this behavior and work through it. Sometimes you may face times when your step children are trying to manipulate you or trying to manipulate both you and your spouse. It's important that you understand why children try to do this. Often they have the idea that they can manipulate their way and bring back their other parent into their life. In some cases the manipulative behavior is a defense mechanism as well, since they are afraid to let you close to them. You and your spouse must confront this behavior together and keep a unified front for the children. You can never afford to let your step children come between you and your spouse.
Pleasures of Step Parenting
Although there are many ups and downs associated with step parenting, and it often seems that you see more difficult times than joyful ones, it's important that you realize that there are many pleasures of being a step parent as well. It takes work, it's often hard, but it does pay off. Those moments when you break through to your step children and you really feel like you are making progress on the road to trust, respect, and love are worth every moment of frustration that you have dealt with. While your step child may never see you as their parent, if they come to see you as a trusted friend and family member, this is an amazing step in both of your lives. There may be times when you feel like throwing up your hands and quitting as a step parent, but if you keep at it there is no doubt that there will be great rewards at the end, even if you don't see them until later in life.
Finally, family time is very important. Perhaps the most important thing you can do is don't let the child make the rules aniline them to do this it gives them a sense of control over the parents and never make the step parent fill like they're not important you always have to remember that they're coming into a ready-made relationship if they don't have kids keep that in the line because it is a new situation for them and if they have kids make the transition as easy as possible for both kids learn to get along as brother and sister plus the parents need to always stand their ground and discuss issues with the children in private never allow the child to get into the conversation of what is going on with them because this opens the door for manipulation, in try to do is many activities together as possible the more chores are responsibilities the kids keep the bigger the Audi can be if it only takes out the trash and does minor things and you have to tell them then don't spend two or three hundred dollars on going to a theme park you have to show them what they get in line is what they work for never allow a child to feel like they can do nothing and receive all kinds of rewards this is a very bad thing to teach a child because later in life they will think that everybody is willing to wait on them and give them whatever they want even if it means throwing a fit,BUT KNOW MATTER WHAT SHOW EACH other plenty of love and stability give the kids the structure they need to grow up and have a productive life try to keep all the negative stuff away from them and show them that the more positive they are the better life will be for them.......Thank you Follow on Twitter @TheRlzToddStarr
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